3 mistakes introverts make that keep them unhappy

Understanding this will unlock your innate power

No psychological theory has ever been more misunderstood than this one.

“I’m an introvert, I’m bad with people”.

The opposite is true.

Introversion and extroversion are not defined by how many friends you have, how often you leave your house, and definitely by your ability to captivate a room.

Below are the 3 biggest mistakes introverts make that keep them locked out of their authentic, happy selves.

Please feel free to skip to these. But I will explain the basic theory first in order to give you the full picture.

“There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum”

– Carl Jung

🤓 Basic theory

The terms introversion and extroversion were originally coined by C.G. Jung in 1921 in his book ‘Psychological Types’.

In this work, he tried to uncover the underlying principles of what makes a person a person, their personality. He distinguished between 4 personality types:

• Thinking types (think with logic)

• Feeling types (think with their emotions)

• Intuitive types (think with intuition)

• Sensory types (think with whatever’s in front of them)

Everybody has an element of all of these, but one will be stronger than the rest (the superior function).

Each function has its polar opposite (see image below), and the nature of how that personality manifests is determined by whether the individual is an introvert or extrovert.

Introverts interact with the world subjectively. Everything they see, hear, or smell is interpreted with regard to how they personally feel about it.

Extroverts interact with the world objectively. Everything they see, hear, or smell is interpreted with regard to how that object stands separate from the greater world.

To reiterate…

Introverts look at things on a more personal and more inclusive level. This is why they become stifled in social situation and make poor scientists (they think about things deeper and more connectively).

Extroverts look at things on a more impersonal and more exclusive level. This is why they tend to excel in social situation and make good, rigid scientists (they think about things superficially and less connectively).

Both have their benefits.

Mistake #1: Thinking you are naturally anti-social

The common idea (and most people’s experience) of ‘socialising’ is:

• Crowded spaces

• Loud noise

• Everyone shouting to be heard

This is barely socialising.

Introverts struggle in this environment because, naturally being deep thinkers, they want to experience a deeper connection with those around them.

Extroverts thrive in this environment because, naturally being more superficial, they are happy to jump from conversation to conversation. No matter how quick, pointless, or impersonal it is.

Now, make sure you understand this…

Just because you weren’t born with that ability, doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t gain it.

As an introvert, I go out and work on this muscle whenever I can:

• I go to bars

• I initiate conversations

• I try my best to entertain groups

Why?

Because I noticed a flaw in my character, and if I ignore it, it’ll ruin my life. You aren’t born with the ability to read and write, but you bloody well learn how to so you can operate in society.

Learning social skills is the same.

Mistake #2: Believing you have a low social IQ

The ironic thing is, introverts have the highest.

But it is so tuned in that it throws you off. Look. Being social is all about being fun, and being fun is all about being loose and silly. When you overthink every word, tone and gesture someone makes – you end up being too much in your head to have a good time.

Extroverts have the initial advantage because they don’t overthink, they just act instinctually.

And the greatest barrier to break down as an introvert is trusting your natural reactions.

But when you do, your superior understanding of people (from all those years of overthinking people) will put you miles ahead.

Mistake #3: Acting like a lone wolf

You probably want to go it alone, because, at some point, someone let you down.

You stopped trusting others. This is fair and understandable. But maybe you have the wrong perspective on it. You hold people to a high standard (those you let close to you anyway), and when (inevitably) they don’t meet them – you get upset.

This is heartbreaking, as they were one of the few you met you actually liked.

Because most people are selfish, stupid, or just want something from you.

This type of thought is very common with introverts. We interact so personally that when the slightest thing goes wrong, we just can’t handle it. The problem is, people think in such different ways (if you truly come to grips with this, you’re 1% levels of social intelligence).

Many people don’t take things as personally as you.

And they don’t understand that you do (meaning it’s not done personally).

They’re a completely different personality type, they think about life completely differently. Adapt. Learn new understanding. Have compassion for those who wronged you, they likely didn’t mean to.

Then you can start trusting people.

Just for who they are.

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Thanks for reading.

Let me know your thoughts.

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References & bonus links

• References

  • C.G. Jung ‘Psychological Types’ (1921)

• Bonus links

  • Carl Jung talking about introverted intuited types