The Lost Art of Masculinity

What's going wrong and what to do about it

I don’t like a lot of male motivation/self-help personalities.

I think they’re full of shit, to be honest. Not to say they don’t offer good advice sometimes, it’s how they accuse you of having a problem so they can sell you the solution.

If you let them have their way, you would consider yourself a poor, unsuccessful, friendless lowlife who has no direction… UNLESS YOU BUY THIS E-COURSE!

Catch my drift?

I’m not here to tell you what you are, I don’t know what you’ve been through and overcome. All I’m going to do is share what I’ve learnt about this topic the best I can, if you disagree, let’s talk about it, if you find something you like, you’re welcome.

I served 8 years as a paratrooper, and have spent over a year in war-zones, I’ve lived in a masculine environment.

Masculinity applies to girls too, traditionally to a lesser degree, but as the world modernises women occupy more jobs that require masculine characteristics.

So everyone can find something useful from this.

Part 1: Initiation

All men, in all times, from all cultures, come into manhood through initiation.

Initiation can be thought of as the border crossing out of boyhood. This involves a test of some description in order to gauge the initiate’s strength and commitment as a member of the community.

• Jewish boys (and girls) have their bar mitzvahs to test their commitment to the faith

• The Satere Maue (an Amazon tribe) make their youths wear gloves filled with bullet ants for ten minutes, if the boys can endure this torment 20 times over the course of a few months they are considered worthy of manhood

• Spartan boys entered The Agoge (literally translates to ‘training’) at the ripe age of 7. They trained in the arts of war, hunting and citizenship until the age of 14 when they would go onto further training, many wouldn’t make it that far

As crazy as some of these sound, their dismissal from western culture has left us with a blurry idea about when adulthood begins, and what is expected of us in it.

The military is often considered a modern imitation rite, I would disagree, I met some very immature people in my time.

What’s the answer?

Understand the purpose of the ritual, then initiate yourself.

Initiations pose a challenge, and a question, “do you have the skills to be a man?” But what are these skills? They’re not hunting wolves like spartan children did, we live in a very different landscape from when many of the classic rites of passage were made.

What skills would a modern man need? What is required of you to be successful in our time? And (most importantly) how are you going to acquire these skills?

Knowing the answers comes with experience, something a tribe elder would of supplied. We lack tribe, and therefore the wisdoms of the elders now as men.

Many men feel lost, and end up in the pocket of false prophets.

I believe we are in the age of Nietzsches ‘Ubermensch’ (supermen), or are coming into it. You are your own tribe, teacher and pupil, you need to do the work, and figure out how to act, believe and behave.

Here’s what I’ve found:

• Men should be able to communicate effectively

• Men should be able to hold space in a room (not shying away from confrontation)

• Men should be capable of great violence, but never use it unless necessary

• Men should have their own self-worth secured in their own being (not allowing the words or actions of others to affect you)

• Men should be respectful of others (only as far as they remain respectful of themselves)

• Men should not be self-deprecating

• Men should not be over-proud

• Men should not be lustful

• Men should not allow emotions like jealously, rage or laziness affect their decisions

And most importantly they should be able to keep all of these in perfect balance.

Part 2: Masculinity in the 21st Century

Crossing the border into manhood (initiation) is only the beginning, now we need to understand how it fits into the modern world.

The main difference between historical and modern masculinity is the degree of subtlety. Look at the likes of the Tates, the numerous cringy people who pretend their vikings, or the many obnoxious men who adopt a ‘bad attitude’ in imitation of masculinity.

The time when men were able to be nothing else but men has passed.

Status is no longer exclusively tied to physical presence, acting like the big man, being overly aggressive, or being arrogant isn’t going to get you far. They are quick fixes to a systematic issue, and apart from the odd case like the UFC fighter who’s at the top of the game at that particular moment, or Andrew Tate who’s made a business out of selling young men the dream of being a ‘high status male’, going down this road is going to lead you to many problems.

Maybe this isn’t what you want to hear, and I do think that people suffering from meekness will benefit somewhat from exposure to this type of man.

But I’ve got to be honest.

I’ve been around soldiers since I was 16, and the most capable at their jobs weren’t the jacked-up heroic dumbasses that Hollywood likes to portray them as.

They were highly intelligent, open-minded individuals who understood social dynamics and the bigger picture.

They were also extremely fit, capable of extreme violence when necessary.

One of the best images of modern masculinity in modern culture is Aragon from The Lord of the Rings. He is humble and content with duty (Aragon as the ranger), he is compassionate, forward thinking, and also willing to lay down his life for a cause. You could do worse than taking this man as a role model.

To Summarise…

The modern male should come into manhood through a trial that challenges them in the appropriate skills. They should be capable of great violence, but have the guile and the will to only use it when necessary. Have the social intelligence navigate group dynamics, being able to work cohesively as a member, but also hold the self-belief to be able to hold a position of authority. They must be in control of their emotions, but in touch with them so that they can connect to the process of life.

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Thanks for reading.

Let me know your thoughts.

If you found this valuable, think of a friend that would benefit from it. If you are that friend, we’d love to have you join this mailing group.

References & bonus links

• ‘He: Understanding masculine psychology’ by Robert A. Johnson was the impetus behind this letter